Initiatives of the Hamburg Kreativ Gesellschaft
Why good planning, fair distribution and honest discussions are crucial - and which tricks help.
When a child arrives, almost everything changes - including the financial situation of the new family. Self-employed parents in particular are faced with many questions: Who will continue to earn how much? Who will take parental leave and for how long? How will care work affect my business? And how can parenthood be organised in a financially fair way in the long term?
Because these questions are so complex, Marielle and Mike Schäfer founded Beziehungsinvestor*innen, an information and advice service on parenthood and fair finances. They give their most important tips here.
Whether the child is already on the way or is still being planned: It helps parents-to-be a lot to start financial planning around maternity leave, parental leave and afterwards as early as possible. Because while permanent employees can plan their income well, self-employed people have to do more calculations.
"As a rule, an expectant family has less money to begin with. This is because at least one parent will have to reduce their paid work," explains Marielle Schäfer. "As an employed mother, you still receive your original salary as maternity pay during maternity leave - for most self-employed people, this is already cancelled, as very few have taken out appropriate insurance policies." Only those who are members of the artists' social insurance fund receive maternity protection as a self-employed person without an additional contract.
It helps to save up a financial cushion early on in an additional call money account.
However, not all pregnancies proceed in such a way that the expectant mothers can continue to work until the birth. Employed pregnant women can take sick leave, while self-employed women would need additional insurance. It helps to save a financial cushion early on in an additional daily allowance account in case the pregnant self-employed person - or the self-employed partner - falls ill and the salary is cancelled. Marielle Schäfer advises discussing this situation with the partner before the pregnancy and considering how salary shortfalls can be compensated for financially - so that the pregnancy remains free of financial worries.
Studies show that even heterosexual couples with equal rights slip into more traditional roles after the birth of their first child. The mother takes most of the parental leave and only works part-time afterwards. The situation is different in same-sex relationships.
"18 years after the birth, the mother bears an average loss of 180,000 euros."
The long-term consequences of unequal distribution are dramatic - especially for mothers. "18 years after the birth, the mother bears an average loss of 180,000 euros," says Marielle Schäfer. The father in the same period? "An average gain of 27,000 euros". However, there are also emotional consequences for fathers: "Many fathers report years later that they would have liked more time with their children - but once the division of roles was decided, it was almost impossible to go back," reports Marielle Schäfer from her counselling practice. At the same time, mothers hardly ever make up for the financial loss and are more likely to face poverty in old age.
That's why couples should not only discuss how parental leave will be divided between the father and mother, but also think about the time afterwards. How will the return to work be organised? When and for how many hours should the child go to childcare? Who will look after the hours before and the afternoons?
Both permanent employees and the self-employed receive parental allowance as a state benefit. Together, parents are entitled to 14 months of basic parental allowance "We recommend calculating at an early stage (using the Federal Ministry's parental allowance calculator) how much parental allowance you will receive," advises Marielle Schäfer. If the monthly income is around 2,800 euros, mothers or fathers receive the maximum rate of 1,800 euros per month if the basic parental allowance is used. If you don't reach this amount, you can consider taking on a mini-job or changing your tax class to optimise your income - it's best to ask your tax advisor here.
Also important: The minimum rate for parental allowance is 300 euros. Since 2025, there has been a further restriction: if couples have an annual taxable income of more than 175,000 euros, the right to parental allowance is forfeited.
From her experience, Marielle Schäfer knows that with smart planning for self-employed parents, "there is a lot of flexibility and options when it comes to organising parental allowance, but you have to think about it in detail." She recommends that all self-employed parents also plan for the partnership bonus - an additional four months of parental allowance if both parents are working at the same time. Nevertheless, the parental allowance is lower than the previous salary - and it is best to save a small cushion for this gap early on.
It is worth taking advantage of a free consultation at the relevant parental allowance office.
Each family must decide on the best solution between basic parental allowance, parental allowance plus and paused months without parental allowance but with income from self-employment in the overall context. Not every self-employed person can or wants to take a break from their own business for several months, so the flexibility to suspend parental allowance in between is great.
It is precisely because planning parental allowance is so complex that it is worth taking advantage of free advice from the relevant parental allowance office or booking paid courses with experts. With all counselling services, it is worth asking in advance whether they are familiar with the special features for the self-employed.
Every couple decides for themselves whether a fair division of care and paid work means 50:50, 60:40 or even 80:20. Because every family works differently. To avoid financial dependency or inequality in the long term, each couple can strike a balance themselves.
For Marielle Schäfer, this starts with the account model: "We recommend a 3-account model, whereby all income goes into the joint account and at the end of the month the remainder is paid out 50/50 or even 60/40 or 70/30 in favour of the person doing the care work."
To ensure that both people have their own pension in old age, the carer can also continue to pay into the statutory pension fund voluntarily or set up a private pension plan that is paid for by the working person.
If you want to be on the safe side or do not agree with the relationship rules that automatically apply when you get married, for example, you can stipulate a compensation payment for care work in a marriage or partnership contract. How high such a payment can be must be clarified individually with a family lawyer, preferably someone who knows the issues.
Monday morning, child sick, both parents' diaries are full of calls and deadlines. Does the self-employed person now step in to provide childcare because their job is more flexible? "It doesn't have to be that way, because the most important lever for mutual professional success is and remains equal parenthood," says Marielle. If both parents, whether self-employed or employed, take on their own part of the care work, there is much more space and predictability for both mothers and fathers.
"Clarify in advance who will take over child sick days and when!"
The example of the relationship investors: "Clarify in advance who will take over sick days for the child and when, e.g. the mother always on Monday and Tuesday, the second parent always on Wednesday and Thursday and Friday are alternated or negotiated each time." This way, both parents know on which days they can make important appointments without having to cancel them at short notice due to care work.
In the long term, Marielle Schäfer recommends arranging a fixed date each month as a couple to take a joint look at their finances. Has the income situation changed? Do we have to pay a higher rent? How much are we both paying into the pension? These topics are too big to discuss in passing over a family breakfast. And if these money dates become a regular occurrence, it will take less effort each month to manage the family finances together and fairly.
These points help to organise parenthood, independence and finances fairly and with foresight.
Before the birth:
After the birth:
After parental leave:
Marielle and Mike Schäfer are the founders of Beziehungsinvestor*innen. Together, they inform and coach couples and parents on fair financial planning and organising parental leave. More information is available at www.beziehungs-investoren.de and in their book "Love & Money, Gemeinsam Finanzen zukunftssicher und erfolgreich gestalten."
Founders of the relationship investors
